oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
