i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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