i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
