Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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