she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
