we have officially lost it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
