Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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