i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so let's talk penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
