just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
