i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
