it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
