Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
