Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
