I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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