I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
