I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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