So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
