if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
