I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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