ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
