You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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