i permit you to call me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
