So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
