you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
