Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
