there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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