Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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