I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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