omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
