So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
