My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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