Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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