I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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