I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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