Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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