Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
