Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
