alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
