At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
