The maid of honor just puked.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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