quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
