Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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