Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
