nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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