my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
