she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
