just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
