I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
