before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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