you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
