im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
