I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
