Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I deserve this hangover.
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