You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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